“*”The Cycling. Going over the same thougts over and over. When my thoughts race against eachother in a circle.”
“No, just thoughts of what I have to do. Homework. And it comes up to my brain and I look at it and think ‘I’m not going to be able to do that’ and it cycles back down and the next one comes up. And then things come up like ‘You should be doing more extracurricular activities” because I should, I don’t do near enough, and that gets pushed down and it’s replaced with a big one: “‘What college are you going to go to, Craig?” which is like the doomsday question because I’m not going to get into a good one.
And then the thoughts keep turning and I lie down on my bed and think them. And I used to not be able to lie down anywhere; I used to always be up doing something, but once the Cycling starts I can waste hours, just lying and looking at the ceiling, and times goes slowly- and then it’s midnight and I have to go to sleep because no matter what I do, I have to be at school the next day. I can’t let them know what’s happening to me.”
“Do you have difficulty sleeping?”
“Sometimes not. When I do it’s bad, though. I lie there thinking about how everything I’ve done is a failure, death and failure, and there’s no hope for me except being homeless, because I’m never going to be able to hold a job because everyone else is so much smarter.”—Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind Of A Funny Story. (via 09251994)
Well, strong like because I don’t actually know him except what it says on his Facebook. I was looking through his Comic-Con pictures and he has a picture of a toy Dalek. Which means he knows Doctor Who! And he has a Tetris shaped ice cube tray(he has a picture of it on fb)…I saw that same tray on thinkgeek.com and I wanted it so bad(along with a periodic table shower curtain). He’s such a nerd! I was looking through his links and he wanted to go to Comic-Con as the Eleventh Doctor. I don’t know if he did but ahh; :D I want to talk to him so bad. From what I know, he’s exactly the guy I’ve been looking for; cute, super nerdy, a musician, knows Doctor Who.
I need to go to Harkins. Even though I don’t know when he works there.
Maybe he’ll notice me if I wear my Nerdfighter shirt that says Nerdfighteria Monday night…Wouldn’t that be just perfect if he was a Nerdfighter?
30-13. And they only scored those points in the second half. Denny’s was fun. I love hanging out with the people who always go this year. My horoscope said I would reunite with old friends in a social gathering…I hung out with a few people I haven’t hung out with in a long time at Denny’s which is a super social gathering. I love when horoscopes actually tell the truth.
I hope I do something tomorrow…Or rather later today. Besides the community service/haunted house I’ll help out at. I feel lame that I have the type of friends that don’t hang out with me so I have no plans for this weekend. I want to go to a party. Just one party is fine with me, I don’t care.
ehh. I’m wearing a silly band right now…It’s a cow. I’m very content. :)
My stomach is all weird. Today I couldn’t eat breakfast because I felt sick. So after feeling sick all day because I only drank a small glass of orange juice this morning, I order some pizza because I didn’t want to drive across town to Nature’s Express. For some reason I felt like puking after eating. ugh.
In other news, news that just made my whole days amazing, my mother surprised me with the down payment to Simpson College! So it’s official; I’m moving to Iowa in the fall! I’m so glad I got that scholarship or I don’t think my mother would have gave in to me going. I’m so happy right now. I can’t wait til the Yuma/Kofa game tonight. We’re going to beat those Kofa Queers(that’s a nickname I haven’t used since freshman year; dang. haha) so hard! We’re going to kick some ass tonight. I just know it. Just so you know, Kofa is our rival school. They broke away from Yuma to form their own school 51 years ago and we’ve hated them ever since. They beat us on our 100th year and we kicked their asses on their 50th year. They’re the rudest people you’ll ever meet at a football game. They yell things and throw things at the band. They’re total douches and I can’t wait to beat them for the second year in a row.
So everyone thinks I’m going out with one of my friends because we argue a lot and pretend we’re married. He’s not my type though(as if I have a type with my one boyfriend years ago status. psh). Another one of my friends likes me but I don’t like him. Sometimes I kind of want to go back out with him but I think it’s mostly because I just want a boyfriend. I won’t get with him though because I don’t want to break up with him again and I like the nerdy boy in community band even though I don’t personally know him and he doesn’t know me. But unlike other guys I’ve liked where I’ve never wanted to talk to them because I knew I had no chance with them, I find myself wanting to talk to him(though I haven’t yet).
I feel like things are really complicated because these things don’t happen to me. I’m the ugly one in the friendships where all the guys want the other girl but no one has ever noticed me.
I Have This Overwhelming Urge To Go Out And Take Pictures Now.
I’m not a real photographer. I think there’s more to being a good photographer than a fancy camera(which I don’t have). But I’ve always liked to take pictures and this camera make me happy and I want to go out and take pictures of random awesome things. Like pigeons walking. Because walking birds make me happy.
I think I destroyed the roll….Anyone know how to load film? I never took any photography class(minus my digital photography 4-H group years ago…). I can read the manual and I understand almost all of it…except loading the film…haha.
I got annoyed at Walgreens because the line was long and all I wanted was to buy a single roll of film. When I get home and I go to get my mail, this little old lady gets out of her car to go get her mail too and she says to me, “Good evening.” It made me smile. It’s funny how something so simple as a good evening can make everything better.
Debating On Whether I Should Get The Minolta Or Not...
It’s only $25…and last time I passed up a similar camera at a different thrift store my mom was like, Why didn’t you get it? And when I went back a week later it was gone. I wonder what their return policy is…
I couldn’t find the right belt for my dress so I ended up getting a scarf. Now I just need to shorten the sleeves and length of the dress and I think it’ll be really cute. Especially with my old lady bag.
I’m always iffy on eating Mexican food since it’s made with lard and stuff. My mother asked to make sure and there’s no lard or meat in any of the rice or beans or tacos. So I’m eating rice and potato tacos and it tastes uh-may-zing.